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The Best Mad Men Quotes

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  • #1
    "She was born in 1898 in a barn. She died on the thirty-seventh floor of a skyscraper. She's an astronaut." - Bertram Cooperby Babyjabba
    247
    votes
  • #2
    "You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it's good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do." - Roger Sterlingby Babyjabba
    236
    votes
  • #3
    “One minute you’re on top of the world, the next minute some secretary’s running you over with a lawn mower.”- Joan Hollowayby Babyjabba
    201
    votes
  • #4
    "What you call 'love' was invented by guys like me. To sell Nylons." - Don Draperby Babyjabba
    186
    votes
  • #5
    "Well, I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent." - Don Draperby BBD'OH
    142
    votes
  • #6
    "Let's take it a little slower. I don't want to wake up pregnant." - Don Draperby Babyjabba
    96
    votes
  • #7
    "When God closes a door, he opens a dress." - Roger Sterlingby Babyjabba
    94
    votes
  • #8
    "I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean I guess." - Roger Sterlingby Babyjabba
    67
    votes
  • #9
    "You need three ingredients for a cocktail. Vodka and Mountain Dew is an emergency." - Peggy Olsonby Babyjabba
    65
    votes
  • #10
    “I’d tell you to go to hell but I never want to see you again.” - Mack Johnsonby ChineseWall
    58
    votes
  • #11
    Peggy: "I have a boyfriend." Joyce: "He doesn’t own your vagina." Peggy: "No, but he’s renting it."by GoldDustWoman
    54
    votes
  • #12
    “ I'm not a solution to your problem. I'm another problem.” - Joan Hollowayby PureBloodPaul
    45
    votes
  • #13
    "I want you to do something for me Pete. I want you to get a cardboard box, and put all your stuff in it." - Don Draperby Babyjabba
    42
    votes
  • #14
    "Fear stimulates my imagination" - Don Draperby Babyjabba
    39
    votes
  • #15
    "You want to be taken seriously. Stop dressing like a little girl." - Joan Hollowayby Babyjabba
    35
    votes
  • #16
    "We need to get you a new daddy." - Bobby Draperby Babyjabba
    33
    votes
  • #17
    Roger Sterling: "They say once you start drinking alone, you're an alcoholic. I'm really trying to avoid that" Don Draper: "So I guess I'm helping both of us"by GoldDustWoman
    29
    votes
  • #18
    "Remember...you're not dying for me. Because I never liked you."- Joan Hollowayby Babyjabba
    29
    votes
  • #19
    "One never knows how loyalty is born." - Bertram Cooperby PureBloodPaul
    28
    votes
  • #20
    "You don't cover for me. You manage people's expectations" - Don Draperby PureBloodPaul
    23
    votes
  • #21
    We need to change its rating from convalescent home to Roman orgy. - Roger Sterling (In reference to preparing a Christmas party for Lee Garner, Jr.by Machienzo
    22
    votes
  • #22
    “Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate.” Joan Hollowayby Alag19
    21
    votes
  • #23
    "My name is Peggy Olson and I wanna smoke some marijuana" - Peggy Olsonby GoldDustWoman
    20
    votes
  • #24
    Does Howdy Doody have a wooden dick..?by Mtarshis
    18
    votes
  • #25
    "Psychiatry is just this year's candy pink stove." - Roger Sterlingby Babyjabba
    16
    votes
  • #26
    "My father beat the hell out of me. All it did was make me fantasize about the day I could murder him." - Don Draperby Philbony
    15
    votes
  • #27
    "this isn't China. There's no money in virginity." - Joan Hollowayby PureBloodPaul
    15
    votes
  • #28
    "You're a whore!"-Don Draperby Big Dick Sally
    15
    votes
  • #29
    (Referring to some reformed alcoholics including Freddy Rumsen) And they sound so righteous. I never pissed my pants. This guy Rutledge killed a man with a motorboat. You know what gets you over something like that … drinking!by 1Nick2
    14
    votes
  • #30
    "It's a business of sadists and masochists, and you know which one you are." - Ida Blankenshipby SophieBratton
    11
    votes
  • #31
    "Not great, Bob!" - Pete Campbellby Vinnieleserra
    10
    votes
  • #32
    "If I wanted to see two negroes fight, I'd throw a dollar bill out of my window." - Ida Blankenship on the Ali-Liston boxing matchby DuckPhillips
    10
    votes
  • #33
    "My father married his secretary. She's my age." - Sally Draperby Wilton Gray
    6
    votes
  • #34
    I just was giving her a hard time... can I give you one too?by Glites
    5
    votes
  • #35
    I was just giving her a hard time... can I give you one too? - Roger Sterlingby Glites
    5
    votes
  • #36
    Your activities are offensive to my every waking moment. You'll always be the enemyby Lizabits70
    3
    votes
  • #37
    "My mother can go to hell! I'll have Ted fly her there!"-Pete about his motherby Overseer80
    1
    vote

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